I want to kill and kiss the evil genius (someone at BirchBox?) who dreamt up the idea of subscription boxes. For $10, $15, $19.99, $39.95, or more a month or quarter, you too can experience the joy of receiving a box of crap you don’t need and probably won’t use! There are seriously boxes for everything, including underwear and meat. Did this all begin with the Columbia House/BMG cd club of yore? (which in case you were wondering, appears to still exist, but sadly isn’t accepting new subscribers).
I’ve been binging on the beauty/makeup side, beginning with Julep and Birchbox (Side note: my beauty regimen consists of lip gloss and mascara). I just received my first Sample Society box (below) and am looking forward to a few others, plus I ordered Barkbox for my sister…(hey, the title of this post does say addicted).
If you haven’t subscribed to a monthly or quarterly box of goodies yet, let me walk you through the process.
- Discover a promo code for free shipping!, first box free!, 20% off for life!, etc, on a subscription box.
- Click “purchase” and immediately feel a combination of glee (guaranteed packages every month, yeeees!) and nausea (shit, I need to pay for heating oil/Christmas presents/student loans/whatever…)
- Begin stalking the box website (When is it shipping? How will it be shipped? Has it shipped yet? How about now?)
- Receive shipping confirmation email and commence obsessive tracking (Why isn’t the gd tracking number recognized by UPS/FedEx/DHL yet? Why hasn’t the shipment information been updated since last Tuesday? Who at UPS/FedEx/DHL has been holding my box hostage in Sacramento for 4 freaking days?, etc).
- Tell yourself you’re canceling this stupid subscription as soon as the box arrives.
- Undertake Herculean effort to avoid seeing spoilers of box contents on Facebook or anywhere else on the internet.
- Receive box and joyfully rip it open as if there’s gold–pure gold–inside.
- See non-gold, but skip around the house with your .0005 ounce sample of mystery cream (from a brand you’d never buy in a million years) because it’s all yours, and it arrived in SUCH a cute box!
- Notice the products that are in a hideous color or so off-base from what you would normally use and tell yourself you’re definitely canceling.
- Wonder what might be in the next box…
- Repeat steps 3-10 (or if you’re like me, steps 1-10….) monthly/quarterly.
I kind of want to try a food box now too… To be continued.