‘Tis the season…for becoming addicted to subscription boxes

I want to kill and kiss the evil genius (someone at BirchBox?) who dreamt up the idea of subscription boxes. For $10, $15, $19.99, $39.95, or more a month or quarter, you too can experience the joy of receiving a box of crap you don’t need and probably won’t use!  There are seriously boxes for everything, including underwear and meat.   Did this all begin with the Columbia House/BMG cd club of yore?  (which in case you were wondering, appears to still exist, but sadly isn’t accepting new subscribers).

I’ve been binging on the beauty/makeup side, beginning with Julep and Birchbox (Side note: my beauty regimen consists of lip gloss and mascara).  I just received my first Sample Society box (below) and am looking forward to a few others, plus I ordered Barkbox for my sister…(hey, the title of this post does say addicted).  

I have no idea what "lash extender and conditioner" is, but I'm going to rock the 4 drops I can now call mine!

I have no idea what “lash extender and conditioner” is (minuscule tube on top that is smaller than my thumb), but I’m going to rock the 4 drops I can now call mine!

If you haven’t subscribed to a monthly or quarterly box of goodies yet, let me walk you through the process.

  1. Discover a promo code for free shipping!, first box free!, 20% off for life!, etc, on a subscription box.
  2. Click “purchase” and immediately feel a combination of glee (guaranteed packages every month, yeeees!) and nausea (shit, I need to pay for heating oil/Christmas presents/student loans/whatever…)
  3. Begin stalking the box website (When is it shipping? How will it be shipped? Has it shipped yet? How about now?)
  4. Receive shipping confirmation email and commence obsessive tracking (Why isn’t the gd tracking number recognized by UPS/FedEx/DHL yet?  Why hasn’t the shipment information been updated since last Tuesday? Who at UPS/FedEx/DHL has been holding my box hostage in Sacramento for 4 freaking days?, etc).
  5. Tell yourself you’re canceling this stupid subscription as soon as the box arrives.
  6. Undertake Herculean effort to avoid seeing spoilers of box contents on Facebook or anywhere else on the internet.
  7. Receive box and joyfully rip it open as if there’s gold–pure gold–inside.
  8. See non-gold, but skip around the house with your .0005 ounce sample of mystery cream (from a brand you’d never buy in a million years) because it’s all yours, and it arrived in SUCH a cute box!
  9. Notice the products that are in a hideous color or so off-base from what you would normally use and tell yourself you’re definitely canceling.
  10. Wonder what might be in the next box…
  11. Repeat steps 3-10 (or if you’re like me, steps 1-10….) monthly/quarterly.

Fun, right?

I kind of want to try a food box now too… To be continued.


One thought on “‘Tis the season…for becoming addicted to subscription boxes

  1. Pingback: Don’t be so hopeful! (aka: PopSugar Must Have Dec ’13 takeaway) | atleastimnotbitter

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